Renew the presence

Dear sisters,
Life can be good and can be terrifying. It depends on how you handle your life and do your best to be a better you. It was never been easy.. And it will not be easy in next seconds.. I choose to be a better Muslim.. But it takes a lot of efforts, strength, bravery, and sacrifices. And to be a better and happy Muslim requires you to gain new knowledge, new view in life, and reading people's prospective.

Be in the crowd of people with knowledge, good fikrah, and inspiring to do good deeds.. And for you to grow , you have to be istiqamah. You have to fight for it. So you can cherish the new you, the inspiring Muslim.

May Allah bless..

Goodbye maternal leave

Today is my first day back to work after maternity leave. Oh no... I already miss my holidays! Anyways, I still excited to go to work today.. Looking forwards for more new experiences and good memories..

Things to do in 2015.. are a lot ! Included to pursue in Master..
And sweeter because we do it together ! With my husband.. Hee..

Wish all the best for all..
InshaAllah. May things go smoothly..
Aminn..

First Anniversary

Alhamdulillah..
Praised be to Allah s.w.t. for blessing us to stay together until today.
And InshaAllah still together until Jannah. Aminn..

1 year seem too fast passed by us. As people may say,

" The first year of marriage will always feel good and beautiful but the challenging part starts in second year up to the fifth year of marriage. And for those who able to stay more than 5 years, InshaAllah their marriage with last forever. "

I heard this thought a lot before ,  but somehow it gave me courage to succeed. A marriage never been easy for anyone. Nothing can buy a happy marriage but you can gain a beautiful marriage.
The meaning is so deep that even you in your hard days, you hold your hand tight and face it. When every matter is settling down, you can feel the relief and realize the beauty behind.

Alhamdulillah, we made it to stay loving and care for each other until today..

Dear my life companion a.k.a. husband..

Thank you for being kind and caring
Thank you for being patience and tolerance
Thank you for being who you are that I have nothing to ask more

Forgive me for all my incompleteness
You complete me

May we rise and reach a better year this year and next years ahead
May our love keep growing and stronger
May we help each other to be a better person
May we be a good parent

Love you
As I always do

This song is dedicated to you my dear :)

Adam's Aqiqah Day

Alhamdulillah..

Adam's Aqiqah Day went well last Saturday. It was my first time organizing my family's event as the master planner. With the catering, canopy, and goodies.

Thank you Delirasa caterer for your amazingly delicious foods!
Thank you Kad Kahwin Online for such cutesy mini booklet for daily prayers!

At the event, I was busy chit chatting with the guests. Most of them complemented Adam was very good with the crowd. And some of them were curious how to make small babies behave like Adam who was sleeping through out the event and not a single cry. (Actually I was like that too, sleepy head. :p)

I smiled. " Well, we can say it Rizq from Allah s.w.t. " Short and full of meaning answer was given. They smiled and agreed.

But when I recalled back, Of course he enjoyed his sleeping time because his stomach was full and his pampers was dry. ^_^ "

With babies, we must make sure they are full and free from irritants like hot air- condition, sweaty and wet bottom. Then, they are happy and easily fall asleep by themselves.

 And with additional breastfeeding at night/weekend, Adam will easily fall asleep . I do not need to swing and pamper him to sleep anymore.. Win win..  ;)

Thank you everyone who involved in preparing this event..
Thank you everyone who came to this event and for those who gave him gifts..
We really appreciate all your good thoughts and Du'a..
Alhamdulillah..

May Barakah follows your kindness and care.

Satisfying

" Be jealous at people with positive mind. So it encourage you to do more effort to improve yourself rather than being a hateful person who talkd bad of others ." 

Breastfeed Your Baby

Being a newly motherhood member, I was encouraged by Mother and Child's health team to breastfeed my little baby. They even gave me a mini booklet about breastfeeding and storage, a short briefing and examined how I breastfeed during my hospital stay after delivery.

Breastfeeding was challenging at first. During my first few days of breastfeeding, it was complicated with pain coming from uterine contraction. It was so painful that I became restless each time feeding my baby. And some of the time, I ended up crying.

When the first month passed by and my little Adam  (his name is Adam Izaz by the way) was 1 month old, he always cries for my excessive mild expressed by his suction. I could do nothing but either to express some amount of the milk out first or clamp with my fingers so the flow will be slower.

I started him with bottle feeding because of several reasons

1. He can't tolerate the overflowing expressed milk
2.  His suction causes pain
3. Sometimes he sucked more than he needs and vomit
4. Sometimes he drink less and fall asleep

He tolerated well at first. Days after that problem arose.
He started to have wind, crying a lot which might be due to the painful stomach, vomited frequently.
And I also had problem in which I had to wake up early in the morning to wash bottle and express my milk, sometimes need to wait for the milk to warm up which I could barely sleep for 2-3 hours per day.

But thank you to my mom and husband who still encourage me to breastfeed little Adam, I somehow succeed ! Alhamdulillah. He able to adapt to the overflowing milk and there is no more pain when he sucks.

Now things got better. Little Adam looks happier and attached to me.
No more painful suction.
Less vomiting (may be due less wind / no issue with bottle hygiene)
Little Adam easily fall asleep after feeding
Less need to express milk

Alhamdulillah, Thank You Allah.. ;)

Let's breastfeed our child ladies.
InshaAllah things will get better.

Royal Eternity

After delivered my baby, I realized my physical changed. Not energetic looking, and more chubby. This one advertisement about good supplement keep popped up in my FB's timeline. And I could not stop from reading it and ended up I bought 2 boxes in total.

Well, Alhamdulillah, this Radiance Signature supplement do leave positive effect on me. Brighter skin color, softer skin texture and surprisingly increased my Haemoglobin level! From 9-10 to 13.
Thank you Radiance Signature company for creating this brilliant mixture of fruits.

Currently I am using a slimming cream and corset to reduce my bumpy bump.

When my husband figured out that I made some efforts to get back to my previous physical state, he hugged me and whispered

" Even if you don't do all of these, I still love you."

Ouch. Those words touched my heart.

And it is true. People don't fall in love with you because you are pretty and attractive. But the love comes when you are being a good and kind person. The attraction is greater when you are personally attractive. And the love gets stronger when you do good maintenance to your attitude and deeds.

This morning, I woke up crying on my bad dream. A dramatic dream. A conflict in relationship.
I still remember the words spilled by "my husband" in the dream.

" I felt empty in me. And I love her for her beauty as a Muslimah (to cut it short) "
And he cried with his fullest heart.
So emphatic.
That made me slipped to the ground
It feel so real. I almost believed it was a reality world.

Then I heard a man voice was reciting Quran.
And I woke up realizing I am back to reality. It was almost Subuh time.

I'm glad it was just a dream. I took my husband hand and kissed for forgiveness. The tears accompanied. He was already woke up and in mild shock seeing me crying.
He wiped my eyes and consoled my heart.

" I only love you. Don't cry ".

* * *

Oh Allah,,
I am so blessed with a wonderful husband brought from You..
Yet sometimes I forgot my duty as Muslim wife and companion..
Please guide and teach me
To fill my husband's heart with Your love and remembrance
To fill my son's heart with You
And to fill my family with love for only You

Your Mother

" Who should I give my love to?

My respect and my honour to
Who should I pay good mind to?
After Allah
And Rasulullah

Come your Mother .. " 

Yes, it's our Mother. Being a 26 years old daughter, I could say I never really understand a motherly love. Mother and I, we fought a lot. With me being a stubborn little girl and self- centered, I had always thought my mother love failed to reach my heart. 

Since I was 13 years old, we were separated by boarding school until I finished my degree at 24 years old. I would only spent time together during semester breaks / holidays. We never had our time to understand each other more. And worst, I always thought she have forgotten my good deeds and will only find me if she is unwell/has problem. 

Oh my, what a daughter I have been. Slap on the face. 

And now, I am a newly so-called Mother who gave birth a son. 

Since my little son in the womb, a motherly sacrifice already started in me. Being all alone in my old workplace, far from husband and my family. Only tears and Du'a and some calls and messages accompanied. 

A 8-9 months pregnant me can still working in emergency department, seeing patient, walked a lot, went up and downstairs, drove home and etc. And the sacrifice continues and I am so sure it never ends.

The painful misery of delivery, the 24 hours standby with goodbye sweet resting time at night, the not anymore physical  attractive after delivery, and it all about the baby, my little son. 

One thing that I realized, my emotion during confinement was so labile. Crying over some small matter, easily irritable, anxious and panic attack,

And so much many others. Once you become a mother, you are 90% changed from the old you as a lady, physically / biologically, emotionally.

Oh Allah, no wonder you grants the women who became a mother Paradise from any door they wished. We totally sacrificed ourselves to give birth of a new human being.

So for my mother.

Oh Allah, bless my mother with Your endless ultimate love,

Grant her with good health,

Protect her with Your almighty protection

Please her with good days and night

Make her wishes come true

Mama,

Thank you for always love us 

And for being strong long enough to take care of us

We love you <3

www.gettyimages.com

The birth date story

Alhamdulillah..
Praised be to Allah for all the goods He gave,  the delivery ended successful and safe. Everything was beautifully planned, Alhamdulillah.

And it was funny at the beginning. One day prior the onset of labor, finally my husband and I had a maternity photoshoot after a long days of postponed it. And on the night before the labor started, we even made a joke that who knows maybe the baby will be born that night. He could be a Deepavali's newborn! We laughed. It even funnier to recall back now , that it actually happened that night.

After a long day of sleeping and resting, at 2 am on 23th October 2014, I woke up to toilet and realized that I had show (blood discharge) . Oh no, I was so anxious that I can't continue my rest. Then, there was a painful sensation coming from my abdomen. Again, I knew the labor would come soon. At that time, the pain was 2 in 10 , 20 secs. Kind of intermediate strength though.

With all the pain I went through, I must say the delivery pain felt like dying because at that time, I can't think of others other than I'm dying.. With a primigravida like me (first pregnancy) people might expect the delivery would end many hours later. But I was lucky, after 1 hour in the labor room, I had my delivery with total of 6 hours in labor pain.  And I cried at the end of pushing out the baby's head, because I can't hold the upraising pain any longer.

Alhamdulillah, safely delivered a normal baby boy weighing 3.1 kg. ;)

And I am now, a new mother. Alhamdulillah.
That jihad was dedicated to you my son, Adam Izaz,

Dear my son,
May Allah's blessing surrounds you day and night.
Keeping you safe from danger and  else
Providing you good health and life
And most, His love for you stays from birth till death

Be a good servant to Allah s.w.t.
Be  a good son
Be a good Muslim
Be good and always be better

With love that never ends,
Your mother.

Hibernating Phase

This Thursday will be my official long days leave. 2 weeks earlier than my due date for delivery. And 2 weeks more to go does not sound like far away right? But, I can say I am not 100 percent ready for it. Or even 90's. The emergency bag is ready to grab on , with a hardworking and takes time to prepare it .. There will always be things missed or forgotten to buy. *sweats * And even having some painful Braxton Hicks contraction made me misinterpret it as labor contraction pain.

Which, made me realized... To be well known about pregnancy and delivery will not promise you to fully understand the reality of it until you experience it yourself. You cannot judge a patient in pain if you never experience it yourself. And you cannot judge patient's defaulting or difficulty of compliance when it is reasonable.

I have seen scenes of delivery with a lot of tensions. The struggling that the patient faced and the medical practitioners need to face. We get frustrated when patients are not cooperative and we need to scold/shout to get them into the correct way to deliver. And the patient get frustrated when they are being scolded/shouted to.

However, once we understood the patient's pain and the struggle they need to go through. We should how to treat them appropriately and according to the correct emotions.

Well well, how far I've gone out of the topic..

2 more weeks to go. Let's pray that the delivery will be smooth and easy going. InshaAllah..
Looking forwards for a new family member soon. ;)