The Help

From Ali (R.A), narrated that the Prophet (S.A.W) said:

"Prayer is the weapon of the believer, a pillar of the religion, and the light of the heavens and the earth".

(HR Al-Hakim)

Salam'alayk..

This hadith is a well known among Muslim all over the world. When I first heard of it, I was like.. " Who I am fighting for? If.. Du'a is a weapon? " 

But then, when I tried to understand it with my own language.. I understood it this way.. " Du'a is the power of Muslims , the power of help in any kinds of way.. "

One find day, I was working in NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) in which a ward for very very sick babies that are being cared by Doctors and Nurses in-charged in Paediatric team. There was a baby being supported with ventilation ( with respiration tube), had a very bad infection which we had to further investigate. That time, I was requested to counsel the mother about a procedure as part of our investigation needs. 

This mother, with a tired and sad face. Looking deep into her child's incubator (small warmer box for small baby) and her eyes were wet with tears. I know her feeling and called her up to sit and had a talk with. 

After the counsel, she said about her expressed breast milk. Her first expressed breast milk (colostrum) was stored and kept for her child but because of the child need to be fasted for few days,  the milk was throw away when it was already due date. She showed her frustration not able to feed the colostrum to her child.

This hadith came to my mind. Then I said, " Mother, when ever your are expressing milk, do pray together when expressing it , pray to Allah s.w.t. that this milk that you are expressing now is somehow will help your child to become healthier. InshaAllah.. " 

The mother nodded. Agreed. 

" We are trying our best to help this child, but you have to have faith too.. We do not know what will happen next to this child later on. If Allah s.w.t. love him more, we have no other choice but to ' redha '. 

You have to take care of yourselves, have a good rest, a good mind and a good emotion. You have another 2 children above him that needs you too.. Be strong.. Don't be sad and depressed like this, it will affect you.. "

She nodded again. And smile although it full of sadness. 

Oh Allah.. give her strength that she needs. Help her go through this without loosing faith.

Amin..

Du'a is a real power and its so powerful, that can change a strength of a human.

Be it in a really simple matter or a big mess matter. It will help you when you du'a to Him.. 

Never ever forget this. For me as a reminder too..

Till then, take care..

Mr Google

A new opening

Bismillah Ar- Rahman, Ar- Rohim..

Alhamdulillah, with a moon of patience finally I am entering a new posting.. Surgery! I am not that excited actually, my heart keeps on anxious and anticipating what kind of experience/life I am having in this new posting.. Which, will start tomorrow.. :')

Honestly, I don't love surgery much because of the operation room. T.T It is so cold that I have to bring extra shirt and have to be early to grab the scarf which was so limited..

But, who knows the only thing that you dislike is actually you learn to love .. right? The most important thing is, check your attention..

Why be a doctor? Why come to work every single day as a doctor?

I don't expect much comfort, I just want to see a grown up me as a more courage , trustworthy, faithful doctor. Insha Allah..

Allah, You are always with me right? ;')

Story about future, Oh Allah.. I don't ask much.. Just someone who love You and knows what do You like and dislike, the one that understand much what I am looking for in this life.. Amin Ya Rabb..

White Lily

Salam'alayk..

Praises be to Allah s.w.t., the one and only Almighty.

Alhamdulillah, it has been 3 months since the first time I registered as a house officer, I mean, a junior doctor. Working in a medical ward, it will always offers you hectic and hurry jobs. Patients are in pain, suffering, dying, all over the places. The smallest number of patients will be 8 people and you need to settle up all important jobs as soon as possible.

The challenges are always be the decision making, and triage-ing priority. This, I am challenged every each day. Being a very very junior in real medical world, doubt never fails to hop on me. Nevertheless, it will always be lessons to be learn each day. No matter how does this pathway will lead or may take unusual longer time, I just want to be a good and safe doctor, insha Allah. Amin.

I know, i know. Sometimes I may act blankly, gazing in blurr-ness and even not so sure what to do next, I learnt. To be a good one, never ever be an easy one. Be strong dear house officers! Let's recheck our niat again why did we chose this kind of work rather than other works that offers leisure and etc..

Allah knows well what we are capable of, I don't have that much expectation of what I am good at but I believe Allah must has seen good things in me, that's why He let me be one.. :') Insh Allah..

Thank you Allah, I love You the most..

Lay Back

Salam'alayk...

Alhamdulillah.. I am almost entering the 3rd month of working as a housemen officer. Although sometimes, I felt unmotivated, almost giving up and so forth.. but Allah is still saying I have to keep in my path and faith and work on it.. He gave me days which I can breath, and became happy with.. Alhamdulillah..

The september is almost finishing, here I am waiting for October to come for some reasons.
1. To open the braces, braces free in no time!
2. Convocation days! :D

I am so long waiting for a convocation event since I haven't had any before.. Anticipating! Hopefully everything goes well.. Insha Allah..

And one more thing is I am gaining kg-ies! Previously I am so worried of being skinny with persistent low body weight but now it becomes irony. I am afraid of gaining! Human's nature isn't it? Yea, well.. Hopefully, will maintain an ideal body mass index.. ;')

Alright now, I have to continue my duty as usual.. May Allah blesses me with healthy body, happy working days, plenty knowledge and lessons and a consistent servant-ish heart.. amin...

Till then, take care...

White Rose

Salam'alayk..

Alhamdulillah, another new day shines bright. A night shift and the-next-day off is a so-called holiday weekend for housemen like me. We didn't even realize the formal weekend days we used to be hyped about. Good bye Saturday and Sunday. We are now looking forwards for off days although it falls in weekdays... :')

Battling with guts and inner feelings, most of people should have fall down and go to another way, yet I am here still having a great battle between patience and endurance. Busy with daily works in the ward, go up and down the buildings, to the lab, radiology and etc, you just find out that day is getting dark outsides.

One day, I was so stressed up (means, physically) and went to take a pint of blood for blood transfusion. While waiting outside the blood bank counter, I scrolled my smartphone. Just installed a mathurat by Ustaz Don from Google Play. With the mathurat's duah itself with meanings, and hadith below each du'ah and even has Ustaz Don reciting it by clicking 'Play'. I played it to fill the waiting time.

It did impressed my heart, the du'ah and the words from Allah in Quran. Almost spreading out tears. Why did I feel that our distance is not as closer as before? When I was still in the university, had lots of time for usrah and keeping close contact with Him.. ;'(

Now, although when I am reciting Quran after prayer in the hospital's prayer room, there are feeling of uneasiness and insecurity that I have to take care of my patients in the acute cubicles as fast as I can.  ;'( Whatever it is, although we are struggling for patients, but we also have to struggle to stay close contact with Him too.. Insha Allah. Let's do our best..

" Didn't He, Allah who owns this universe and earth? "

Till then, take care...

Awaken

Salam'alayk~

Alhamdulillah, as always... Allah is the best!

Heee, nice opening isn't it? How's life going on around you brothers and sisters? Alhamdulillah, I am still here working and still healthy mentally and physically. Being happy after a the heavy black rain passed, now I am refreshed again to be a doctor.

When I was stressed up with work and ended up thinking of quit my housemenship , I made some research. Did googled too to know if there any where out. And the thing was, it was no way out because I already bounded with scholarship rules which I need to serve to government for 10 years before able to choose my own new path.

So, I did discussed my issue with a senior housemen and Alhamdulillah, I found a good answer. " Refresh your 'niat' , we want to do our best so that our patient can go back home. " It is true. Previously I was like a lost goat, did work but I was not truly happy with it. But now, I am enjoying it. Alhamdulillah.

No matter how hard you have to work, no matter how much comments and critics your Seniors made, one thing that you aim is to do your best so that your patient can go back home to his usual daily life. Insha Allah.
I love this 'niat'. May Allah guide me to do my best for my patients. Amin!

Hoping for the best for my colleague housemen out there too~

Till then, take care...

oh and yes, Eid Mubarak people! Still not too late isn't it? ;')

"Allah will not burdening His servant, unless at their appropriate willingness" (Quran 2: 286)

Burst with Tears

Salam'alayk..

Oh my, my tears just dried up. Who knows someone stronger like me has her own weakness time too. I don't feel discomfort to share it here cause I know one day, the new me reading this in future know whom I was before I succeed. Insha Allah.

when reading old post in blogs and facebook, I was like " Is this the real me in the past years back? " . Kind like of an immature girl and da da da... The fun thing is, I did improve. Alhamdulillah. We always hope today is better than yesterday and tomorrow will be a better one than today. Insha Allah.

Why did my tears went out after all? Well, I am a person who scared of being guilty or doing mistakes. When it happened, I will feel like the world is going to be the end. Such dramatic but its true, I am suffering within it. So did today when I received a call from my colleague asking about why a medication was served to a patient who not in need. I was nervous and panic on the phone but I did it because its true he needed it. After the call, I can't breathe. I was actually plan to read and do revision, but failed. My heart won't move. My soul was frozen. So, I text my colleague back, and she said it was fine. Actually not a problem. Fuhh.. Alhamdulillah. Every single day, I will always be in impending doing bad mistakes but it didn't really happen and I was saved, by HIM. Thank you Allah. Your teaching is so challenging and hard to breathe but it was me who did pray for Your teaching, guidance and assistance isn't it? I have to become stronger.

Just because of that phone call also, I loss my motivation. I started to feel like running away and etc. Spending some time seaching for new career other than housemenship. At the end, I chose to stay and struggle. If Allah says there is no way I can be a doctor or continue in this career, He will fail me and drive me to another way, but if it will not happen, that's mean this is my fate, my only career.

Stay, full stop. You may account that I will rewrite the same issue again and again in my future posts. Be patience and stay toon okay? Tehee..

Now is time to rest my thoughts. Lot of works are waiting for me tonight shift. Till then, take care people...

“Whoever abstains from asking others, Allah will make him contented, and whoever tries to make himself self-sufficient, Allah will make him self-sufficient. And whoever remains patient, Allah will make him patient. Nobody can be given a blessing better and greater than patience.“

Prophet Muhammad (s) as reported by Abu Said Al Khudri in Sahih Bukhari, vol 2 hadith 548.

Wonderland

Salam'alayk...

4th day of Raya is almost ended. Here I am in the hospital already working far from home. During my little age time, I didn't have the idea that working as a doctor is this hard. You have hard feelings, and hard works.

It will be a lie too if none of us the housemen doctor never think of " running away " from our real world. I did think of it too, sometimes when I was in difficult time. An anesthetist doctor once said " Being a doctor is this ward will never be stressful, unless you are underknowledge ". So true, I agreed to it until now.

Learning 5 years in medical faculty didn't mean that you will know and well known of everything. There will always be some hole insides the knowledge and memory.

I know, for now my motivation seems down for a while. But I will try to improve it. There is no way to turn backwards. I will never be able to. Anyone want to let me?

Oh , Allah. If this heart and soul insides me are weakening, please change it to a new stronger heart and soul. Don't let me give up and turn away but You guide me to be a better one. Amin..

Alhamdulillah

Salam'alayk brothers and sisters,

Alhamdulillah, after a 4 days morning shifts, I had my off day. Working in morning shift is tiring. We work for 12 hours non stop, and we usually went home more than 14 working hours. Body ache comes and goes. I almost giving up to work yesterday since my physical started to become weak. But, Alhamdulillah I did ask HIM to give me strength and do my best before I collapse in today off day. I did. And today I still have left energy to do things. ^^, Thank you, Allah!

Although I already worked for 1 month, my beat of working still below my expectations. Especially attending new patients with lots of illness beyond it. The first most stressful and needs a lots of patience is preparing for rounds. You have to know top to toe about the patient, but not only one but the whole patients in your cubicle. Try imagining it.. ~.^

But, to be stressed all up because of this without searching for ways to improve, I will just ended up with bold head and old face. Hee. Nothing else could be done other than find your way to improve and change your mistake. I will, insha Allah.

No matter in which field of work you are, things will not be easy in the beginning. But it doesn't mean you have to leave this pathway and choose another one, right? I have been spending my 5 years in medical world, it will be a waste if I redirect my path. I want to stay and face it. By hook or by crook, no turning back. The elevator always move forwards. The waterfall always goes forward to the sea. It's weird to be the other way around, doesn't it? If it thus? ^^,

Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for granting me with a stronger heart, a patience soul. I want to do things that I was not able to do before, to my mom, my sisters, my family, my usrah, my da'wah, and to the others. Oh, Allah, things will never be easy, without Your permission. Things will not happen if You disapprove. I understood it well. Please continuously guide and teach me to be better than yesterdays. Amin...

Dear brothers and sisters,
Being busy with work is fine, as long as you still perform your duty as Muslims,
Being busy with life is fine, as long as you still reminding yourself who is your only God.
So do a reminder for me too.

Lets do our best in this Ramadhan and all other coming months too.
Take care of your health and Iman.
May Allah bless you all here and the day after, Insha Allah..Amin...

On night

Salam'alayk...

Cold breeze wind keep on blowing into my room. Colder than this max power fan. Yesterday night was not so good day of work. Why is that? From my view, we need improvement and a better care. It is not that current care is not good, but we can do better. Insha Allah..

In my medical school, I always take in mind that learning medicine is easy as a b c. (not that easy actually) but well with your under knowledge, you did past! Of course not all knowledge in medicine are absorbed by all graduated doctors, they admitted. The moment they work, then they learnt so lots and able to manage patient accordingly. I am in that phase now, and it hurts. Hurt to know how lacking my knowledge now to manage patient. You learnt a lot in university too but sometimes you couldn't see the importance of it until the moment you do work in wards with a real patient.

The most of the day, my inner self keep on saying this " ohhh, now I know... " . Never mind, give myself room for improvement and keep on upgrading knowledge and understanding. And alhamdulillah, I am blessed with free-negative stress feeling. So far, positive or good stress comes and goes and it encourage me to do better. Learning process, I just love it.

Happy fasting brothers and sisters, find Lail Al-Qadr. May we are blessed to experience once. Insha Allah.. stay strong and patience. take care..

Admitted?

Salam'alayk~

Alhamdulillah, I safely arrived home! Hommy mommy home. I was just discharged from 4 days stay in ward today, was sent to bus stop, and rode a bus to my hometown. I know, I haven't completely well yet but you know sometimes you have to be rough to your physicals so that it will become stronger. Insha Allah, can we make it, my physical? *nodding* (haa?)

Staying in a ward as patient, you learnt a lot. You know better a patient's feeling. You know that so well (i hope). Being awaken early in morning to check blood pressure, poke by the end of fingers, taken blood and so on. They just need to be asked and got permission to. And feeling sorry for hurting them with the instruments and equipment, with respects and empathy. Thanks to my professors and lecturers who guided and taught us this very important values as a medical doctor.

So, in the ward, I did was nothing else than rest, sleep, eat, bath, rest sleep, eat. Totally boring for a person who used to do lot of things in a day. Being friends with other patients in the same room, was a new experience to me. Wishing happy resting, have a good meal and etc, I was happy to after all.

Thanks to my boss, a specialist in internal medicine for giving me 3 days rest. I love them so much! ^^,

Thanks to my friend who his wife just delivered a baby boy last week 2 days before I was admitted. Thanks for sending me to bus stop... Arigato gozaimasu!

Thanks to everyone that have been cheering my daily life as a medical doctor in Medical Ward. I owe you guys so lot already... ^^,Y

And for the most utmost, praised be to Allah for making my life as smooth as the beautiful plan that You did for me... Alhamdulillah!

Life will not always be easy, but you will learn so lots in the journey.
Things happen for good reasons.
When it happens again and again, means there are some mistakes that you keep on overlook and not yet improving.
Have a strong and humble heart!
Insha Allah, sadness and gloom will not stay forever in you.. ;')


smallie note: why am I keep on thanking people? ~.^ new added personality maybe. Hee.

Post Tag - Off !

Salam'alayk ~

Salam Ramadhan Kareeemmmmmmm!

Alhamdulillah, we are blessed to be in this Ramadhan again.. How life's going when I've been drowning in busy-ness days? Hopefully, we are consistently trying our best to be a better person Insha Allah..

Well, I never have the chance to tell the story of tagging for these past two weeks right? So.. now is the right time, I hope! after all, I already listed things to do this morning although today is actually my off day... Hihi being workaholic? Kind of... :')

Today is actually my mom's birthday! my sister messaged me telling don't forget to wish.... see, how much I had lost my track when I am busy with my houseman-ship days..... ;(  I couldn't even answer my phone calls from home properly in wards. I am so so sorry mom! Patients in the wards are gasping for air, waiting for medications, fluid infusions.... O.O maybe I should send a copy of my shifts to mom then, so whenever she calls, I can answer sweet and nicely~ :D

Working as a doctor, dear fellow juniors out there who planned to be one of us one day... Be prepared!

You will wake up as early 6 (the latest, should be much earlier~) , get ready to work with bummy eyes, punch your work card, waiting for the lift to go up to ward (mine is 7th floor), entering wards, greeting nurses, patients, viewing patient's condition notes, charts, coming morning investigations, review patient progressions, examine, counselling and prepare for rounds and if needed, to endorse medications.

Medical officer (MO) will come, greetings, starting rounds with MO, presenting cases, typing / writing in notes, tell patient's list of problems, including what did you realized in that early morning review (patient, charts, investigations or new problem arose) and they give their new plan of management and anything requested.

Then after rounds, you do the management plan, taking bloods, send patient to x rays, typing/writing referral letters, discharging summary and etc. More, you will have to call for clinic appointments, go down to radiology department to discuss for early appointment or stat (at that point of time). After finished, you will have prepare next coming morning's blood taking tubes for all your beds and do labeling (if free, if not, this will be the last job before off shift).

Next, you go review patient again, look for new problems, charts, pending results, and counselling again. If suddenly a patient collapse, all of you will run for the patient and do as needed. You can't work alone, and you can't let your colleagues work alone too. Asking for emergency trolley, drugs stat, do CPR on the bed... Call for MO, anaesthesiologist for intubating patient to attend case.

If a death happened, you have to break bad news to the relatives, preparing mortuary documents, and etc. And before going back, you have to pass over all acute, subacute or unstable patients to your colleagues on night shift. Then go back home, face toileting, and go to sleep. maybe with that working attires. Sleep deprivations. The moment you finished one week, you will become zombeeessss... kidding! :P

In your dreamy sleep, you dream nothing else but the venue will be your wards. Your actors will be the patients, and colleagues. And what you did in the dreams are working! Heee.. when actually we get our rest? XD

okay, my alarm clock sang a song already. I have to go. Take care people. Have a bless Ramadhan and make it worth and lovely. ;')

Till then, wassalam'alayk~

flowers.catchsmile.com

Bomb blast

Salam'alayk readers~

Here I am after 1 week tagging in Medical Ward.. All I can say is, Fuhhhhhhhhh!
So tiring, skipping meals, having a swollen foot and stomachache in the line. Allahu'akhbar.. Nothing simple about being a doctor. Most after all, the challenge to take off and student mind set and dependent. I feel like, why didn't I do my best in student life? Why couldn't I grab all the knowledge and sharpen my skills when I had long leisure time in university? Oh my, I am no longer a medical student!

Faint.......

sorry, this post might be kind of emotional flooding but I will try not to make it more flooded. Hee.  well, here in this hospital we use computerized system where you pull and push the movable laptop desk around and around the ward to clerk patients. To order investigations also in the computerized system, medications, and all the forms involved.

Then sometimes you are being like an operator, calling here and there. Referring and taking appointments for patients. The most stressful job is when you planned to discharge a patient. I experienced it once today. 5 discharges at 2pm where at 3 pm I had a meeting with hospital director. Meanwhile the patients and their family members keep on coming to ask me to make it a.s.a.p....

alhamdulillah, my inner self keeps on reminding me to behave and be patience. I was almost like to tell them how did i feel and cry out loud at that moment. But, I have the responsibility to be professional and remain calm. I did 3 discharges and my fellow colleagues did once each. I am so thankful to have such great colleagues who will motivate , teach and guide when ever I feel down. Thanks so much you guys..! I feel relief and happy you all are around.

everyone must be afraid of being extended because of not competence and etc but when i went through the medical posting, there is no problem to be extended when you are being assessed not competent yet, and have to practice more. Because at the end of our posting which is in 4 months time, we are expected to act and decide  alone like medical officer. I have to upgrade my knowledge, skills, and etc before that time come...


Ya Allah, you let me be a doctor..guide and teach me to be a competent safe muslim doctor.... please Allah..

Amin ya Rabb..