Oh my, my tears just dried up. Who knows someone stronger like me has her own weakness time too. I don't feel discomfort to share it here cause I know one day, the new me reading this in future know whom I was before I succeed. Insha Allah.
when reading old post in blogs and facebook, I was like " Is this the real me in the past years back? " . Kind like of an immature girl and da da da... The fun thing is, I did improve. Alhamdulillah. We always hope today is better than yesterday and tomorrow will be a better one than today. Insha Allah.
Why did my tears went out after all? Well, I am a person who scared of being guilty or doing mistakes. When it happened, I will feel like the world is going to be the end. Such dramatic but its true, I am suffering within it. So did today when I received a call from my colleague asking about why a medication was served to a patient who not in need. I was nervous and panic on the phone but I did it because its true he needed it. After the call, I can't breathe. I was actually plan to read and do revision, but failed. My heart won't move. My soul was frozen. So, I text my colleague back, and she said it was fine. Actually not a problem. Fuhh.. Alhamdulillah. Every single day, I will always be in impending doing bad mistakes but it didn't really happen and I was saved, by HIM. Thank you Allah. Your teaching is so challenging and hard to breathe but it was me who did pray for Your teaching, guidance and assistance isn't it? I have to become stronger.
Just because of that phone call also, I loss my motivation. I started to feel like running away and etc. Spending some time seaching for new career other than housemenship. At the end, I chose to stay and struggle. If Allah says there is no way I can be a doctor or continue in this career, He will fail me and drive me to another way, but if it will not happen, that's mean this is my fate, my only career.
Stay, full stop. You may account that I will rewrite the same issue again and again in my future posts. Be patience and stay toon okay? Tehee..
Now is time to rest my thoughts. Lot of works are waiting for me tonight shift. Till then, take care people...
“Whoever abstains from asking others, Allah will make him contented, and whoever tries to make himself self-sufficient, Allah will make him self-sufficient. And whoever remains patient, Allah will make him patient. Nobody can be given a blessing better and greater than patience.“
Prophet Muhammad (s) as reported by Abu Said Al Khudri in Sahih Bukhari, vol 2 hadith 548.