Can I hate you?

I lived in two worlds.. 

The bigger and the smaller..

Sometimes, I am stuck in that small world where..

I felt myself is small..

I lost my confidence..

I lost my true aims..

I am chasing..

Keep on chasing..

A self that I didn't recognize..

I hate you..

No,

I shouldn't hate you..

It was me who chose the wrong track..

I shouldn't know you..

I should't keep on looking at you..

You mess me up so much..

Can I hate you?

No, 

I don't like hating people..

I do reaction formation.. 

I care people I dislike..

I concern people I am jealous..

I cheer up people I am hurt..

But,

the discomfort didn't go away..

I still feel the ache..

I hope, 

one day I can forget about you..

and leave your world..

I will try.. 

And will keep on trying..

I know,

I have something that you didn't have..

I have great things that you didn't have..

I should motivate myself that I am special in my own way..

And you are special in your own way..

You are not my enemy..

I don't wanna you to be..

But, I just can't be friends with you..

And I hope I don't know you..

Live your world as you wanna be..

All the best for you..

I hope you will find your happiness..

Stay well and be happy..

Sayonara girl.. 

Reaction formation : A defense mechanism where people tends to react opposite on what they really feel.